I mean, I could tell you. I know how many of them feel. I am the one they come to when they are told they “risked out” or had a traumatic birth due to an incompetent provider. They tell me they felt broken and incompetent. That their body was inadequate; that they were “unable to do what normal women do.” They feel less than empowered. Let me just say – THIS is unacceptable – All do to licensing conflictions.
Many providers choose to license due to their state laws but end up disempowering and disserving many women in the process. They begin to serve the state instead of women. They follow governmental law over the mothers laws, over her own birth. They call it “safety” – what a joke. A provider who is limited in how she is able to serve a birthing person because the white haired man said so, is what it is.
I’m not sure about you, but I feel like if I found out the REAL reason a midwife was unable to continue care/transferred me from home was because of the government – I’d be PISSED. I’d feel betrayed and abandoned. I’d realize she wasn’t ever serving me – she was serving the law. You absolutely cannot always do both. I’m not alone, I speak to women who speak the same truth regularly.
Nothing is more frustrating than when a birthing person comes to me after being failed by an incompetent provider. It’s like picking up the tear soaked pieces to a puzzle and helping her put them back together by working through her trauma and fears. Seeing women feeling incompetent due to chained providers enrages me. They take so much work to rebuild! My thoughts each time: How dare those providers allow her to get eaten alive by the wolves, to protect themselves.
How do these providers not see the damage? Do they and ignore it? They may have many cookie cutter births/pregnancies, but what about those who aren’t in that cropped cookie cutter – but biologically, a variation of normal? My sisters, those I serve. Those mom’s aren’t more important than licensure, for many midwives. Is it all worth it to them because ‘most’ are left empowered? Do they even feel bad seeing them fearful and sad in the captive birthing facilities, because “tHe lAw sAyS sO”?
How can one feel okay with transfering a woman because her water was broken for longer than a X amount of time, with zero signs of infection? Or transfering her to the wolves because she isn’t progressing ‘fast enough’, with zero concern in baby or mom? Trying to fit mom into a one size fits all birth chart.
The woman who is thrown to the wolves in these situations (and many other situations) suffer. Not just that day. For many, it is the rest of their lives. Wondering why they were broken, why couldn’t they birth normally like everyone else. Wishing they could go back.
Imagine if all women disserviced knew that the reason they experienced trauma was because their provider was protecting themselves, instead of her.
I’m sorry – I cannot and never will get down with that logic. I would not put myself in a position to have to let women down or I go to prison. Call me young, privileged, uneducated, call me whatever the fuck you want – I know my heart and I’m not one to abandon women because the white haired man said so – fuck that. Skip the question “Are you willing to go to prison over it?” I am not the one.
Note: I wrote this a great while back. After recently speaking to another woman (pictured) who was also completely let down by a licensed MEDwife, I felt inclined to finally share this. I am sure this will ruffle feathers. That is okay, this is my truth. It does not need to be yours – & I hope it is not.
This article is my anger and frustration towards the midwives who bail on women due to regulation, indoctrination, and selfishness. I see and work with the aftermath so often! It is not all midwives or all licensed midwives, at that! But for the ones whole royally fuck women over – this is for you. She deserved more than you could ever offer.