Choosing Your Battles in Governed Birth

During one of our recent trainings, Taylor was covering hospital birth support. She stated something along the lines of “Sometimes women may need to pick their battles in an assisted birth setting”. As in, conform to please your provider. Settle for less than you planned, so there is no fight or animosity. Knowing, that animosity from the provider can possibly inflict harm on you or your child. Kiss your providers ass, so they do not abuse or assault you, essentially.

While I fully picked up what she was putting down, I could feel it rising in me; That fire 🔥 “But you should not have to – we should NEVER conform, EVER” was about all I could think.


She is right, though. In order to get along unharmed (possibly) in a captive birth setting, sometimes you need to stroke the ego of the provider. Compliment them, thank them, do as they say, agree with their reasonings, etc. Otherwise, you have a provider who is frustrated with a “noncompliant” or “combative” client. *Prime candidate for abuse* becomes your new label, if you fight your whole way through. Conforming is likely your best bet if you want to come out uncut on the other side, I agree. Partially why you will not find me in such setting, birthing or supporting. I can’t get down with that rodeo.

Basically, if you want to birth in captivity, be ready to forfeit some of your power. Be ready to compromise and lay down, in some regard. If you find that you do not have to settle, consider yourself blessed! This is how I see it from where I sit & it is fucking GROSS, if you ask me.

“Allow for a little abuse, as long as it isn’t a lot.”, “Allow the epidural so they do not force a cesarean.”, “Allow the magnesium so they allow a trial of labor.”, “Allow induction so they do not force cesarean.”, “Allow the vaginal check so they do not force pitocin.”?

How about the fuck NAH? 🙅🏼‍♀️Women need to know that they do not need to forfeit their desires, power, or wellbeing of themselves and their baby. You should never settle for less, never conform, never deter from the path your intuition leads you to. If you are in a position where you feel obligated or coerced to make a choice you aren’t comfortable with, it’s time to GO. Provider FIRED, BYE 👋. Intuition led, always. I advocate for the ability to birth free for many reasons, this being one.


Let me throw out a radical idea here: It is a legal option to birth without anyone governing your birth, or having any say over your body. If that’s too far left field, I hear you. You can also find a traditional attendant who will respect your autonomy, and competently manage a possible emergency, if necessary. You always have CHOICE. Whatever you choose, make sure you aren’t in the position where you are questioning whether or not you should conform, or settle for less. Hold your power, birth the way YOU choose. Conform for no one ▪︎▪︎▪︎

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